And it goes on and on and on....

I have a good friend in graduate school.  I got in contact with her yesterday.  She told me that this guy in our department, who obviously thinks he is more brilliant than he really is, got a grant that she did not get unfortunately.  She found this out at a conference from another student in our department.  This other student I have mentioned in the past.  She has "white privilege" issues, and she is not a hard worker, although I think she knows what to say in order to convey that she is a hard worker to the right people (i.e. faculty).  So, she tell my really good friend that this guy in the department who people think is a joke in more ways that one got this prestigious grant.  But, "to add insult to injury" as my good friend so aptly put it, this sad excuse for a student stated, "Yeah, he got a grant and he isn't even doing original research like WE are."  I had to emphasize "we" because of a few reasons which I will state.

First of all, this is the girl who joked that she is stealing my thesis research for her dissertation research, so how original is that really?  

In addition, my friend's work is brilliant and original in every sense of the word.  She decided to use methods and approaches not normally used in the department.  

As if that statement wasn't bad enough, my good friend then told me that this girl's adviser stated, "You'll be next to receive the grant."  Excuse me?  And this is what has led me to my questioning of this whole process.  In a perfect world, poor work, laziness, and mediocrity would not get rewarded, but here I am, and a perfect world is not where we live in.  This is the world where if you look good on paper and you are what some call a "paper tiger", you can beat out the most hardworking individuals who really deserve the recognition and reward.  I would love to think that this individual will get hers in the end based on her piss poor abilities and her poor reasoning for attending graduate school, but unfortunately, I could see her get this prestigious grant.  It won't be because of who she is and her work, but because of her adviser.  

All of this is unfortunate and sucks!  It does go on and on and on.

Proving your worth...

Last Friday, I had to attend a mandatory writing workshop.  I was absolutely prepared.  I had articles read and critiqued.  I read the articles well in advance, but I decided to critique them the day of the meeting so that I could review and keep the articles fresh in my mind.  I was enthusiastic about the meeting and the article, considering the fact that I am interested in publishing my own article on my thesis findings.

However, upon meeting the faculty leader and peer mentor, my enthusiasm was lost.  The peer leader injected his thoughts during a presentation which I found unnecessary given that during that part of the meeting, there were two presenters in the room already.  Then, we finally broke out in groups to discuss these articles we had to read for this particular exercise.  One was about doctoral attrition, which was fabulous.  The other was about plagiarism, which in my opinion was not very good.  I found the writer to lack in his ability to be straightforward and concise in a piece where only quantitative results (sprinkled with qualitative findings) that was several pages long.

Erroneously, I pointed out that the piece on plagiarism did not mention chi-square as part of the methods.  I was corrected quickly by both the faculty leader and peer mentor.  I didn't have an issue with that, but I guess once someone comes at me argumentative, then I have no use for you.  I was annoyed that I was the only prepared student (including the peer mentor) and that I was able to contribute to the discussion, despite this minor faux pas on my part.  I just decided to sit back and take it all in with an air of disinterest, because frankly, I think that bother the leader and mentor were far more impressed with themselves that I was with them.  The other two students in the group did not read and were hanging on every word of these two, but personally, I got what I needed to come for in terms of critiquing an article. Even when I asked a valid question, the response seemed utterly archaic, and I left unimpressed.

This was the first time that I was in a group of black students and peers and felt very different and set apart from them, especially after I mentioned that I left a program at one point in time.  The peer leader seemed like a total arrogant you know what.  I'm not about fake folks.  After her high and mighty act, she proceeded to tell me, "See you later."  I was thinking in my mind, "yeah, whatever!"

Anyway, these kind of actions really solidify in my mind how far removed I am and continually want to be from academia.  The words of my personal peer mentor ring in my ears constantly, "Arrogant people in academia are people who couldn't make it in other areas in life."  Well, that about sums up my experience with this part of the workshop.  Not only could they make it in other areas of life, but they don't realize how useless they become in the interim.  I guess I have to find other ways of proving my worth!

I am fine with what I got out of the workshop other wise.  I was taught how to edit and analyze writing, how to submit for publication, and how to write a manuscript.  All in all, it was productive.

In more positive news, I will be mentioned in one of our academic newsletters.  I actually submitted an essay that was not published, but some of my quotes will be mentioned which is fine.  You have to start somewhere!